More Pandemic Thoughts

More random thoughts about this pandemic.  My brain is scattered, and this won’t be the most eloquent writing, but I wanted to jot down a few things.  Most of us are on the struggle bus to some extent.  We may be staying on the bus all day and even sleeping on it (having anxiety dreams anyone?).  We may be functioning well most of the time and taking a 15-minute ride on the struggle bus each day.  Likely, most of us find ourselves somewhere in between.  For example, on any given day with the kids, I feel like I am being a stellar mom in some moments and the worst mom ever in others (anyone else?).  It's a weird time, y'all.  I want to explore a couple of things that I think are having a psychological effect on us that we may not realize and talk about how we can do the best we can right now. 

One of the most disturbing things about this pandemic to me is that we are being told to view basically all other humans as a threat to our own well-being.  The intent in having us stay away from everyone is communal health.  I understand that.  And I even know it is necessary to an extent.  But the psychological effects are real.  When I went to Publix the other day (in my tie-dyed headband mask), it was just so strange to feel like everyone around could be a “carrier” and knowing that they felt the same about me.  I tried to smile at people with my eyes because, well, they couldn’t see my mouth.  Just the fact that we cannot see each other smile is a major loss for our emotional selves.  It is a strange world where everyone is a threat.  It is a strange world when you can’t hug your parents or take someone you love a birthday gift.  We are created with a NEED for community.  We need other people.  This is scientifically proven fact.  Without relationships and without touch, people suffer and may even die. 
With therapy clients I talk about “protective factors” – those things in life that help lead to better mental and overall health.  Especially, if one is dealing with depression or suicidal ideation, protective factors are hugely important.  But they are really important for all of us.  And here is the hard thing about right now- our protective factors are being stripped.  We need community support, relationships, intimacy, purposeful living, fulfilling work, etc.  Some of us can maintain these factors through technology, at least to an extent.  But none of us can completely.  And if you are a person who lives alone and has lost your ability to work due to this pandemic, your protective factors right now are LOW.  We have to admit that this is a hard and strange new world we are facing.

Sooooo, what do we do?  I am trying to remind myself to do a few things right now. 

           1. Be kind to yourself.  Try to find some balance between doing things that make you feel purposeful (because this is good for mental health) while also having realistic expectations and a lot of grace and self-compassion. 

           2.    Be kind to one another.  This is not the time to nitpick your family or roommates.  It will be tempting.  We are all on edge.  That tends to lead to easier frustration.  And there is just So. Much. Togetherness.  Treat everyone in your life like they are going through something hard right now.  How do you treat the people you love when they are sick, are grieving, are adjusting to a huge life transition?  Treat them that way now.  Treat them with the most care and kindness you can possibly muster.  And when you fail to do so (because you will), be quick to say, “I’m sorry”. 
    

                 3.    Get outside and exercise if at all possible.  These two things are saving my life right now.

                    4.  Show physical affection to the ones you have around you.  Hugs and cuddles are important right now.  If you are completely alone in quarantine, this won’t be an option, and I’m so sorry. 

      

                 5.  Remember that the virus is the enemy here.  It’s hard to admit that you are fighting an enemy that you have no real weapons or control to fight.  But the people at the grocery store are not the enemy.  The ones who are still having get togethers that make you angry are not the enemy.  Some people are going to go into bunkers for this thing.  Some people are going to push the limits of what is allowed.  None of them are the enemy.  The leaders who are placing stay at home orders are not the enemy.  We have a common enemy, and everyone is scrambling and trying to figure out what in the world to do about it.  Most likely no one will navigate this perfectly.  Focus on personal responsibility.  Uniting against a common enemy is the best thing we can do.  Every chance you have, show compassion and humility to others - every chance you have.  Fighting each other will do nothing to stop the pandemic and will decrease everyone’s capacity to thrive.  

                6.  Practice gratitude whenever possible.  This doesn’t mean you need to pretend this isn’t hard.  But find things to be grateful for in the hard time.  Write them down in a journal by your bed.  Tell the people you are grateful to why you are grateful to them.  Tell the people you are quarantined with why you are thankful for them (especially when you are feeling frustrated with them).

                7.  Remember that you are resilient.  You have weathered hard times before.  You can weather this one, and eventually you will be on the other side of it.  Not knowing when that will happen or what the fallout may be is one of the hardest things about this whole situation.  Use your support system liberally.  Do not abandon hope.  Hope will keep you from sinking.