10 Things I Want You to Know on Your 10th Birthday

   

 Son, 10 years ago tomorrow you came into our lives.  You were kicking and screaming and so full of life.  We had never seen anything so amazing and beautiful.  We had never felt love like this before.  We were parents.  We didn't know what in the world we were doing, but we knew we wanted to do it everyday for the rest of our lives.  We knew we had been given a tremendous blessing.  Now here you are.  Tomorrow you turn 10.  It is hardly believable that you've been here that long, and at the same time I can hardly remember life without you.  The first 10 years of life are so magical.  Childhood is a great gift from God.  You are still a child, but lots of things will change in the next 10 years.  Here are 10 things I want you to know as you bravely move forward into the next decade.

1.  God Loves You More Than You Could Ever Imagine.
     This is number one because it is by far the most important.  If you can know this, truly know this in your heart, it will change EVERYTHING about your life.  He loves you in a way that no one else you know is even capable of loving.  It is perfect love.  He made you.  He created you exactly as you are for His divine purpose.  He longs for you to be in relationship with Him.  You make Him smile.  Hold that truth in your heart, Son.  It will never let you down.

2.  God Will Never Leave You.
     The next 10 years will bring many highs and lows.  They will be some of the best years of your life with some of the hardest days of your life.  You will be growing and learning so much every day.  Your dad and I can't be with you every second of every day, but rest assured in this: God is with you always.  Nowhere you go is too far from Him.  No situation you find yourself in is too hard for Him.  He will be by your side everyday.  All you have to do is turn to Him.  You can't see Him, but you will feel Him if you look for Him.  He is your one constant in this life. 

3.  Don't Be Afraid To Be You.
     The bible says it so beautifully "You are fearfully and wonderfully made."  God created you with extreme care.  He has purposes for you, and they are all a part of how He designed you.  There is nothing wrong with how he created you.  He doesn't make mistakes.  We make mistakes, but He doesn't.  Don't be afraid to be exactly who you are, Son.  If someone else tries to convince you that aren't enough, tell them they are wrong.  Then tell them that they are enough too, because they probably don't think they are.  Be the kind of person who is comfortable in his own skin.  You can do this when you understand number 1.  He loves you.

4.  You Are No Better Than Anyone Else.
     Just as you are fearfully and wonderfully made, Son, so is everyone else.  You are not better than any of your friends.  You are not better than any of your enemies.  We are all made in the image of God, and we are all lost without the grace of Jesus.  You will have friends at school who don't look like you or talk like you.  Their families won't look like yours.  Their lives won't look like yours.  Their clothes won't look like yours.  They may make poor choices.  You are no better than them.  They are loved by God just the same as you are.  They may have circumstances that make it hard for them to know that, Son.  Treat them like the God-creation that they are.  Treat them with respect and love.  Be kind to the kids that the other kids tease or ignore all together.  Do that, Son, and you just might change their life.  And when you do this, it will most definitely change yours.  This, my sweet boy, is being Jesus to the world.

5.  Your Dad and I Love You So Much.
     Son, your Dad and I can't love you as perfectly as Jesus does.  But we love you as much as is humanly possible.  To quantify how much we love you is impossible.  There are no words or numbers that exist that could explain how we feel about you.  You are ours.  We will love you no matter what you do or don't do in the next 10 years.  We want you to know that we are here for you.  You can talk to us about anything.  If something is hard in life, don't carry it alone.  We are here.  We will support and encourage you.  We will help you work through the hard stuff.  We will love you fiercely even when we don't agree.  We will try our hardest to show Jesus' love in every conversation we have with you.  We won't be perfect, but we will ask forgiveness when we mess up.  We are so grateful to be your parents.

6.  Your Siblings Are One Of God's Biggest Blessings To You.
     I know sometimes it's hard to be the oldest of four children.  I know your siblings drive you absolutely crazy some days, but believe me when I tell you this:  You will treasure them someday.  They are life-long friends.  No matter where you go in life they will be a part of you.  They will be there for the biggest laughs and hold you through the biggest tears.  You will share so many memories with them.  They will know you in a way that other people never will.  Treat them well and know that they look up to you.  Find chances to be kind to them.  When you are grown up you will be so glad that you did.

7.  Everything Worthwhile Is Hard.
     People will try to tell you to take the easy way out.  We can justify so many things with the excuse "It's just too hard."  Let me tell you something, Son.  If you have to work hard for something you will appreciate it so much more.  The biggest blessings in your life will also be the things that require the most of you.  When you have a class that is just "too hard"- work harder.  When you don't make the starting team - practice more.  When you are in situations with friends and family that are "too hard" - don't give up on people.  Working hard makes you tired in the best kind of way because when you finally rest you can rest peacefully.  When you don't think you can't do it - dig deeper.  Jesus is your source of strength.  When you ask Him for help He will help you.  Don't be lazy.  It feels good in the moment, but it drains your soul in the long run.  Don't shy away from the hard stuff.  Befriend it.  You will have a much fuller life.

8.  You Are Not Too Young To Make A Difference.
     You may feel like you are too young to make a real difference in this world, like that is something that only adults do.  Don't believe that.  The next 10 years of your life will be absolutely filled with opportunities to change the world.  Everyday you will have a choice to either speak life or speak death to the people around you.  You can be kind to people in ways that will change the course of their lives.  You can help those that are in need in your community.  You can start movements among your peers that will make this world a better place.  You can share Jesus with people who don't know Him.  There is no greater mission than this.  You will have lots of friends who need to meet Him and learn who He is.  Share Him with them.  Bring them to church with you.  Pray for them.  Pray with them.  Don't be afraid to be bold about your God.  He was bold for you.  He sent His only son to die.

9.  You Don't Have To Be The Best At Everything.
     You are so talented, Son.  You have many gifts and abilities.  We are so proud of you, but please know that you don't have to be the best at everything.  Some things will come naturally, and some things will be harder.  That is okay.  More than anything we want you to realize that you are loved regardless of your abilities and not because of them.  When someone else is better than you at something don't be jealous.  Be happy for them.  Feel good enough about yourself to praise other people for their special talents without feeling threatened by them.  You are who you are, and they are who they are.  Their successes don't take anything away from your successes.  If you truly rejoice with others when they succeed, your own successes will be so much sweeter.

10.  Joy Is A Daily Choice.
     My sweet boy, life will throw things at you that you didn't want or expect.  You will have hard days.  Sometimes you will feel like you are being treated unfairly.  Some days you will deal with disappointment or rejection.  Your attitude in these moments will determine the quality of your life.  Choosing to be joyful and thank God daily for your blessings even on the hard days will change your life completely.   No one wants to be around someone who is negative all of the time.  But when someone is truly joyful in their life they are like a magnet that people can't resist.  There is something about joy that is so enticing and mysterious.  True joy isn't bound to earthly circumstances but is found in knowing that God loves you and is always with you.  See number one and number two above. :)  Choose joy every day.

I love you so much and look forward to every day of the next 10 years and beyond with you!

Love,
Mom

Fearful Avoidance

     I haven't written in a couple of weeks.  I don't typically sit down at the computer to blog and try to think of a topic to cover.  I wait until I get inspired by something in life.  I only write when something is running through my mind and heart repeatedly and convicting me.  So apparently I haven't been very inspired the last 2 weeks :), but alas, it has hit me.  I know I'm not the only one who notices that sometimes God will throw the same idea at you 2 or 3 times in a short period of time because He knows that we won't pick up on it the first time.  Well, that happened this weekend.
     Friday I was at physical therapy for my shoulder.  Physical therapy is such an odd mix of extreme hope and extreme pain.  You kind of want to hug your therapist and punch them in the face simultaneously.  My therapist is great, but he is still trying to figure out what is wrong with my shoulder so plenty of pain is being inflicted.  Anyway, yesterday I was talking to him about what my limitations are.  You see, the idea of having to have shoulder surgery makes me want to go into a dark corner to rock and cry.  I mean, seriously, I see it going down like this.  I have shoulder surgery.  I am immobilized in my right arm for 2 months.  The children form a mutiny in my helplessness and destroy what little order I have managed to create in the last 10 years.  DHS takes said children because I can't clean house or keep them out of the street with my left hand.  Brian leaves me for a younger woman who isn't crippled.  I never fully recover, and the pain is worse than when I started.  Okay, maybe it wouldn't be that bad, but it would be bad, y'all.  My poor mother would definitely have to move in with me for a while, and Brian would have to pull double duty.  I use my right arm approximately every 10 seconds in this current life stage so you get the concern.  So, I have been trying to protect my shoulder from anything that might make it worse.  There is a workout class I have been wanting to try so I was asking my therapist if he thought I could do it even though it uses body resistance.  His reply surprised me even though it made perfect sense.  "You can try it.  If it doesn't produce your pain it's fine.  If it is painful don't keep doing it.  But, you don't want to practice fearful avoidance."  Let me repeat that in case you didn't catch it: "You don't want to practice fearful avoidance."  Okay, so put a pin right there and let's move on to the next morning. 
     My oldest baby (who is about to turn 10!) just started playing basketball.  I love basketball!  It is my favorite sport by far so I'm pretty excited about this. He had his jamboree yesterday morning - his first game ever.  I skipped it because it was at 8:00 at a location 40 minutes away, and they were only playing for 30 min.  80 min of drive time with 4 kids + 30 minutes of watching basketball = no deal.  Especially at 8:00 AM.  So Brian took him and I got everyone ready for his soccer game at 10:15.  Yes, the same child.  Before you judge me too harshly about missing his game: I did get all of his stuff ready, wash his uniform, and make him muffins before he left.  So, hey, I tried.  After the two of them left for the game I was sweeping the floor and started thinking about my own one year basketball career.  In the 6th grade I played for the Blue jays.  I wouldn't say that I was an especially skilled player (Stop laughing, people who knew me then.).  I'm not sure if it was lack of ability or lack of competitiveness that fueled my mediocre performances, but it was probably a mixture of the two.  I distinctly remember one game where we went into double overtime against East Cheatham Elementary.  The stakes were high, the gym was erupting with cheers, the parents were having tiny heart attacks (I know this feeling now).  It was the kind of game movies are made of.  Anyway, we won by 2 points in double overtime and were so ecstatic, but I remember just feeling so badly for the other team. The looks on their faces destroyed me.  I wanted to give them each a hug and say "You'll get em' next time, Tiger!", but I'm sure that wouldn't have been well received at that time.  So competitive nature I lack in, but I love the game of basketball and really enjoyed playing.  Well, 7th grade came along and that meant a new school and the Jr. High basketball team.  I went to tryouts the first day, made the cut to come back the next day and didn't go back.  This day in my life is not something I think about often, but in the back of my mind I have always thought that I just decided I didn't want to play.  Well, yesterday morning I remembered with total clarity something that I had long since forgotten.  I didn't go back to the second day of tryouts because I WAS AFRAID OF GETTING CUT.  I clearly remembered that I was so afraid of getting cut after that second day that I chose to just not go and instead avoid the embarrassment altogether.  Of course I didn't tell anyone this, but that was totally my reason.  My friends were going to be on the team, and I knew that I wasn't super talented and couldn't bear the thought of them making the cut while I didn't.  So I just quit.  I avoided the pain that I didn't even know for sure existed and gave up on something that I really wanted to do.  FEARFUL AVOIDANCE.  Now, I don't know if I would have made that team or not, but I might have had a great time playing basketball with my friends for the next 6 years.  As it was, I ended up keeping the stats for the boys team so at least I got to go to all the games and display my nerdy mathematician side. :)  I even got to ride the team bus, so there's that.
     The message that I received loudly yesterday morning before I was awake enough to process deep thoughts was this: Stop avoiding things because of fear!  If I had a list of everything in life that I haven't done because of fear it would be REALLY long.  Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of injury, fear of regret, etc., etc.  There are so many things I have wanted to do in life, but I haven't had the guts to just go out on a limb.  There are things right at this very moment that I know I am being called to, but I am just too scared to admit it and take the risk involved.  Where is God in this?  Do I serve a God who teaches me to cower in fear and only take risks when I have a guaranteed result?  Did Paul, Peter, John, Luke, James, John, Stephen not take significant risks (their very lives) as they spread the good news of Jesus.  In the Bible over and over again we see God calling people to do things that are scary and require much risk. "Noah, build an ark."  "Abraham, leave your home."  "Moses, tell Pharaoh to release my people."  "Joseph, save Egypt from famine."  "Esther, defend your people before the King."  "Hannah, take your son to the temple."  "Rahab, hide and protect those spies."  "Jonah, go to Nineveh."  "Daniel, pray anyway."  I have never seen a scripture where God said "Just keep doing what you're doing.  Don't go out on a limb.  Just protect yourself from failure and stay with whatever is easy.  Fear is an excellent motivator."  No!  Instead over and over and over again he says some version of the phrase "DO NOT FEAR".  I could literally spend hours typing out all of the verses that support this, but you get the idea.  Just google "verses about fear" and then be amazed.  Why is it so hard to follow this command?   Of course this is most important in areas where God is specifically asking us to take a risk for His Kingdom, but it also applies to the "basketball teams" in life where we just miss out on what could have been a great thing because we are too afraid.  So, here's my challenge to all of us this week (and really always):  Instead of calculating everything that could go wrong, dream about what could go right.  Listen to God's call on your life.  Don't be afraid to answer.  Don't be afraid to embrace life, and when the failures come - embrace them too!  They are a part of our story, a part of the molding that God is doing as He completes His work in us.  Fearful avoidance will rob us of the successes in life as well as the failures that we really needed to endure.  So do something brave this week!  And once I get this shoulder fixed, come on over, and we'll play some basketball! 

It's In The Bag

     Friday.  Sweet Friday.  Usually my Fridays consist of not leaving the house (other than driving people to school and ball practice) and hanging out in my pajamas all day with my younger 2 children.  Monday through Thursday are busy, busy, busy for us so Fridays are refreshing and definitely a catch up day.  I usually do a lot of cleaning, a lot of mothering, a little resting, some snuggling, and some writing.  Well, today I had to interrupt my sacred Friday tradition to go to a little place called Vanderbilt Orthopedics.  I hurt my shoulder back in May.  The cause isn't exactly known, but it was either a result of getting too emphatic with my dance moves at the YMCA or lobbing 40 packs of bottled water into my SUV at Costco.  Either way, I went down doing something I loved.  I had seemingly recovered until the last day of church camp in July when I was mopping the mess hall (not something I loved) and felt the pain suddenly return to my right shoulder.  So I've been just dealing with it for 2.5 months and decided that this isn't gonna just disappear so I better get it checked out. 
     My dear mother-in-law agreed to come over and watch my two littles so I could make this voyage into the big city this morning, so I was trying to clean my entire house, play outside with my kids, and get ready to go to the Doctor in a 3 hour period.  Piece of cake.  I got the kitchen and living room clean.  Good enough.  Bedrooms have doors.  In my frenzy to get ready while a toddler was spreading lotion and panty liners across my bathroom floor and my five year old was trying to turn on inappropriate Netflix selections in my bedroom I forgot to grab my sweater off the bathroom counter and put it into my purse.  I was wearing a sleeveless shirt and jeans, because what does one wear in October in Tennessee?  At 6:00 AM and 9:00 PM the temperature makes me want to cuddle under a blanket wearing a sweatshirt and fuzzy socks and drink hot chocolate.  At 2:00 PM the temperature makes me want to throw on my swimsuit (and a cover up) and hang out by the pool with a cherry limeade.  You have to thoroughly plan your clothing based on time of day and whether or not the places you go will still be employing the air conditioner.  This choice to wear a shirt void of sleeves only works for me if I have a sweater in my bag as a safety net.  So, alas, I had made an error of epic proportions (okay not really).
     So, I walked into the Doctor's office and immediately realized the error of my ways.  It was FREEZING in there.  It was so cold that I wondered if maybe they were trying to prevent their orthopedic patients from having to ice their injuries by actually dropping their body temperatures low enough that their muscles and tendons literally froze.  I sat in the waiting room talking down to myself (only in my head) for being so foolish.  I thought about pulling my arms into my shirt like our kids do in preschool, but I decided that was socially unacceptable for a 34 year old woman.  Then I thought "That lady at the front desk was really sweet.  Maybe I could ask her for a blanket."  But I realized that was unlikely to end the way that I had hoped.  So, I just dealt with it.  I had to wait for the Doctor for a full hour so I was there about an hour and a half.  I decided that I definitely don't want to be cryogenically preserved when I leave this world.  Mummify me(hey, it's October), cremate me, bury me.  I don't care.  I just want to be warm (but not too warm if you know what I mean).  So, back to my appointment.  I got a huge steroid shot in my shoulder (lovely), a diagnosis of inflamed stuff and torn stuff, and a referral for physical therapy and went on my merry way.  Walking outside was sweet relief.  Just as my insides started to thaw I looked down into my purse.  Now, you should know this isn't a normal sized purse.  It has 3 LARGE compartments.  I lose things in it ALL THE TIME.  It may be big enough to hide a body in (not that I've ever tried).  Hey, I've got 4 kids.  I need lots of space in my bag for snacks and diapers and 400 coloring sheets from church.  Anyway, I look in there and what do I see?  I'll give you one guess.  A sweater.  I had put it in there a few days back and totally forgotten it was there.  I was so mad at myself.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  I just froze for an hour and a half, and I had my sweater with me the entire time?!  It was sitting right next to me.  My salvation was within my reach the ENTIRE time.
     Then, the Spirit spoke it to me tenderly as only He can, "I am the sweater in your purse."  Yep.  I can't even argue.  How many times in any given day/week/year do I struggle and suffer through the things in this life when all along I have access to the only one who can help me.  I read books, ask others for advice, self-soothe with TV or Starbucks or Ice Cream, get discouraged, give up, etc.  All the while the Spirit is within me saying "You don't have to be cold.  I am right here.  Just open your purse and use me."  When I gave my life to Christ I received the Holy Spirit.  In one of the sweetest places I know in scripture Jesus says this "“All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:25-27)  And then in John 16:7 He says these words "But very truly I tell you, it is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him to you."  When I look through the different translations of the bible on these two verses I see that the words used for Holy Spirit are: Advocate, Counselor, Helper, Comforter, and Redeemer of the accursed.  Wow.  That is quite a line up.  And, Jesus Himself says that we are better off with Him leaving us here because we will have this Advocate, Counselor, Helper, Comforter, and Redeemer of the Accursed."  I'm sorry.  What?  It gets better than having Jesus by your side?!  According to the Lord of Lords and King of Kings it does.  So I have this power within me.  I have this person who counsels me, helps me, advocates for me, comforts me and redeems me.  And I'm gonna go ahead and find comfort in Ben and Jerry's?  I'm gonna advocate for myself when I feel mistreated?  I'm gonna ask my human friends and family for help or counsel before I ask Him?  I'm gonna try to redeem all the messed up areas of my life and this world through my own strength?  This is nonsensical.  And yet I find myself there ALL THE TIME.  I forget because I can't see Him that He is indeed there ALL THE TIME.  He is waiting for me to call on Him through prayer and listening and study.  He is fully equipped to lead me through EVERY SINGLE trial of this life, and I forget that He's in my purse.  Prayer has never been a great strength of mine.  I mean, don't get me wrong.  I pray.  But I pray quickly and efficiently.  I squeeze it into my day.  After seeing the movie the War Room last weekend (Go see it!!!) I have been trying to make a concentrated effort to spend more quality time in God's presence in prayer.  I can honestly say that the days this week that I have done that I have seen a marked difference in my life and my attitude.  So the power is there.  We just have to draw from it.  Reading helpful books, talking to a Godly friend, having some unwind time....these are all good things.  They are gifts from God.  However, if we go there first we are drawing water from a very shallow stream.  If we drink deeply from the rivers of living water that flow from Jesus our thirst will be infinitely more satiated.  This world screams "Find happiness!" and the Spirit whispers "Find Me."  If we get quiet enough to listen we will hear Him.  If we stop frantically searching for "happiness" we will find true fulfillment.  So, please join me on this journey of learning to access the Spirit more freely.  That is just what it is: a journey.  And as we sojourn together, just don't be surprised if I refer to Him as "the sweater in my purse". 

Cleanliness is Next to .......Craziness

     All right, here we go.  Time to get real up in here.  Some of you "type A" friends (whom I love and adore) may not understand this post at all.  You may be shaking your head throughout and making a mental list of all the strategies you are going to helpfully impart on me.  And I need you in my life.  I really do.  However, some of you will read this post and breathe a sigh of relief and maybe feel truly understood for the first time in a while if not ever.  Regardless of which type you are, please read on so that you can have some insight into either yourself or the people that you love. 
     This morning I am looking around my house and feel like I could have a small anxiety attack.  I spent all of last weekend trapped at home with a feverish child and cleaned house much of that time.  By Monday things were in pretty good shape(as far as things go around here), and it felt great.  Here we are 4 days later and it looks like the U.S. is doing nuclear bomb testing inside our home.  So, naturally I sit down to write this blog instead of remedying this situation because this is what helps me be sane. 
     All of my life I have heard the phrase (often misquoted as being from the bible) "cleanliness is next to godliness", and all of my life it has been made very clear to me by EVERYONE that keeping a clean and organized home is an earmark of a successful woman/wife/mother.  And I'm trying.  I really am.  EVERY.SINGLE.DAY is the same battle.  For some of you cleaning house is a stress reliever and something you actually enjoy, and I salute you.  I hold up my dustpan in one hand and a dirty rag over my heart with tears streaming down my face, and I give you my utmost respect.  For me the mundane daily tasks of keeping a house clean are simply soul-sucking.  I have done the Myers-Briggs personality assessment a couple of times and am a very confirmed ENFP.  So, lest you think I'm just a lazy good for nothing, here is some of the research on us:

"Because ENFPs live in the world of exciting possibilities, the details of everyday life are seen as trivial drudgery. They place no importance on detailed, maintenance-type tasks, and will frequently remain oblivious to these types of concerns. When they do have to perform these tasks, they do not enjoy themselves. This is a challenging area of life for most ENFPs, and can be frustrating for ENFP's family members."

"ENFPs are basically happy people. They may become unhappy when they are confined to strict schedules or mundane tasks. Consequently, ENFPs work best in situations where they have a lot of flexibility, and where they can work with people and ideas. Many go into business for themselves. They have the ability to be quite productive with little supervision, as long as they are excited about what they're doing."

Yes and Yes.  I find that I only get excited can tolerate with a half-smile cleaning the house when we are having people over, and that is because I find the time spent with people so worthwhile and don't want them to know that I'm such a hot mess.  Now, in defense of myself and my fellow ENFPs, we are called "The Champion" of personality types as well as "The Inspirer" and "The Advocate".  So there's that.  We tend to love people well, and when we are excited about something we are world changers.  So, give us a little credit.  We aren't the worst.  At least not all of the time.  But doing the daily tasks of life that seem pointless and are quickly undone present a real challenge to our mental/emotional state.
     So here I find myself in this blessed life I have created.  My intense love for children and desire to have a large family collide SEVERELY with my intense hate of mundane tasks.  There is more work to be done around here on an average day than I could have ever imagined, and it is all undone within 24 hours.  The laundry is UNBELIEVABLE.   There are 1,908,734,478 mismatched socks in this house.  I am certain that somewhere in space there is an entire planet comprised of nothing more than all the missing socks of the world.  The one time I mopped the kitchen floor this week it was with a one year old hanging from the mop handle the entire time and then running circles around the wet floor before it could dry.  There are crumbs EVERYWHERE.  Last night I laid down to cuddle with Wyatt in his bed and found Brinley's half-eaten hotdog from dinner (It was the all natural kind okay!) beneath my glut.  Kinetic sand does actually make a mess despite the marketing claims, and ritz crackers may be the actual death of me.  Believe me, I have tried every chart and reward system on the planet to get my kids to do this grunt work.  I have tried harsh consequences.  I have tried desperately to Pinterest checklist my way out of this conundrum.  The fact is that in the daily reality of life around here all of those ideas are nearly impossible to effectively implement.  And it seems that I am the queen of ideas and the pauper of execution when it comes to the mundane. 
     So what's a girl to do?  And what is the point of this post? (There is one.  I promise.)  Well, over the years I have beaten myself up continually about my struggle to keep things clean and organized.  And I have improved - some.  The struggle is real and is okay as long as the striving comes from a healthy place of self-improvement and the desire to improve the lives of yourself and those whom you love.  However, my struggle has often come from a place of SHAME.  Feeling like I can't lick this has left me feeling shameful and embarrassed more times than I can count, and people that love me have (unknowingly) contributed to that feeling more times than I can count. I'm learning, however, that shame is NEVER a good motivator.  Over the years of dealing with this downfall of my personality type, which bleeds over into areas other than just a clean house (I never played a sport more than one season) I have clung to one short story from God's inspired word.  It is His sweet gift to the ENFP's of the world.  Mary and Martha.  Luke 10 gives us a story about 2 sisters - one was busy and worried about the preparations for their guest Jesus, and one was sitting at His feet enjoying relationship with Him.  Martha (the busy sister) was so upset with Mary (the likely ENFP).  Martha complains to Jesus about this unfairness and Jesus says this:  “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things,  but few things are needed—or indeed only one.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”  Thank you, Jesus!  Now, maybe you find it a stretch to apply this to areas of life other than seeking Jesus, and I certainly hope that my main focus in life is just that - to seek Him.  But, I think this can be applied to every relationship in our lives.  After all, each one is an opportunity to know Jesus more and to be Jesus to one another.  I have come to the conclusion that it is more important to love well than it is to live in a perfectly orderly space. It is perfectly okay to drop a ball if you are picking up one that is more important.
     There are tasks in life for each of us that are life-giving and tasks that are life-taking.  I love spending time with my children.  Reading new library books with them makes my heart soar.  I love cooking.  Cooking is fun and exciting.  You can try new things, and you can make people happy when you serve them (unless they are under 10 and hate everything except pizza).  I love sitting on the porch and talking to a friend.  I love leading bible study small group and learning from the women there.  I love teaching precious preschoolers 2 days a week and planning fun lessons for them.  I love reading books that help me become a better person and watching a funny television show at night with my husband.  This all makes sense to me.  Each task is achieving a greater goal, a purpose of connection either with God, others or both. 
     I am not advocating that keeping an orderly home is not a valuable thing.  It absolutely is.  I truly believe that everyone feels a little more peaceful when things are in order.  What I am saying is this - If my house is not as clean as I would like for it to be because I prioritized things that were much more important to me, IT IS OKAY.  I am really trying to come to the conclusion in life that I am enough simply because the God of Heaven and Earth created me exactly as I am.  This is a huge step for me after years of silent self-loathing of my shortcomings.  I can compare myself to all the other moms and wives in my life who are able to juggle life and keep their home pristine all day long, but I am not them.  I have my own special set of circumstances and personality traits.  I lack gifts they have, but I also have gifts they lack.  And this is all okay.  Please know that whatever gifts you have are yours for a reason, and whatever gifts you lack you lack for a reason.  The very traits that make me unorganized make me more patient with people.  This contrast is true of all of our personalities, and God painted a rainbow with our differences because that is what is beautiful.  We are all ENOUGH.  We don't have to be each other. 
     I will keep striving to improve for the right reasons, but I will issue myself a little grace and shut down the shame train.  Ain't nobody got time for that.  So, come on over.  Anytime.  This home is always open to anyone who wants to enter (barring psychos or gun-wielding scary people).  We will love on you.  We will laugh with you.  We will feed you. (Homemade goodness or frozen pizza depending on the day.)  We will enjoy you.  But, you might step on some legos, and don't you dare look under my couch.  And if the inside is just too crazy, we will sit on the porch.  I'll even sweep off the ritz crumbs for you.  All I ask is this.  Love me through the crazy.