Confessions of a Pleaser

    
     Pleasing people has been a way of life for me for as long as I can remember.  I am the middle child of my family, an ENFP on the Meyer's Briggs, a Type 2 (the helper, the giver) on the Enneagram.  I'm a female in a society where females are taught to be pleasers from childhood.  My parents were so loving and kind, but I still lived in constant fear of disappointing them.  It wasn't their fault.  I was just born or maybe developed into a person who wants to make everyone happy.  And that's not really even a bad thing.  Wanting to please others is good and kind and healthy in its right context.  But a great weight comes with wanting to please everyone, and the weight is right here: You can lose your authenticity.  I've never been the friend who is brave enough to tell you that those jeans are too tight or that your boyfriend is a loser.  I have tiptoed around every point I ever wanted to make and then after the fact worried for days that I said the wrong thing and offended someone.  Because that is my heart.  I don't want to offend anyone.  I never want to cause negative emotions in another person.  I want the world to be a ball of rainbows and sunshine where we ride on unicorns and eat ice cream without gaining weight.  I have tried to create this perfect world so many times.  And being an optimist is a great thing, but when you are trying so hard to mold the hard things into pretty things there is a danger: You can lose your authenticity.   Relationships are EXTREMELY important to me.  I want to be friends with everyone.  I can see the beauty in everyone.  I love spending time with people, the conversations, the fun and the amazing support that comes from having "a village".   But here is what I have realized.  If you live your life in an attempt to make sure everyone likes you: You can lose your authenticity.  Do you sense a theme?
     I have reached a point in my life where I have realized that I would rather have 10 friends that I can be authentic with than 100 who require me to put on a show.  Now don't get me wrong.  I want to live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18, Hebrews 12:14).  That is my heart's desire.  And I won't turn anyone away from relationship because they don't agree with me on things.  And I'm not advocating meanness or harshness in any way.  But I have reached a point where I have found the freedom to speak what I believe without worrying constantly that someone might disagree with me.  I find that the more I place my confidence in Christ, the less I have to have it fed by the world.  By no means have I conquered this.  I think pleasing is very much like any other addiction.  You try to stop, but you still fight the urge for the rest of your life.  It's my baseline.  And I'm trying to steer away from that in an effort to be a healthier, more complete version of who God created me to be.  If God wants to use me in this world, but I am terrified of being authentic we are at an impasse.  So I want to be free to speak or write what He lays on my heart.  I want to be the friend who tells you the hard truth in love when no one else will.  I want to be the wife and mother who puts her whole heart into caring for her family but doesn't lose the essence of who God made her to be along the way.  I want to be the woman God is asking me to be and to be so open to His Spirit that I can hear His guidance.  There is still someone who I really want to please.  But he doesn't live on this earth.  He did a long, long time ago, and someday He will restore it to perfection.  But right now I have to live in the broken and pray that He will help me to bring beauty to it in His name.  He made me authentically me.  And he made you authentically you.  So don't be afraid to give your God-given color to the world.  It takes all the colors to make a rainbow.