So, I have this little girl. She is brilliant and beautiful and artistic and wonderful. But this child, she has tested me more than anything else in my life. She came into the world screaming, was a colicky baby, threw wild tantrums as a toddler, and still after 8 years can occasionally throw some of the biggest fits you can imagine. She typically doesn't show this side of herself to anyone else. She is a model student at school, does great at church, behaves for any and every babysitter. But when it comes to me - anything is fair game. When I found out I was having a little girl I thought that meant I would have a child just like me. This daughter came out with blonde hair, blue eyes, left-handedness, introversion and a strong will! She was nothing I thought she would be and everything God intended her to be. And she is amazing. But if you know me well you know that I have struggled mightily with parenting her. There have been so many times that I have told God with my hands over my eyes and tears streaming down my face that He didn't know what He was doing when He thought I was capable of raising her. I am a peace-loving, soft-speaking, conflict avoider. I don't exactly have what would be considered a "strong will". And her strong will has puzzled and downright leveled me so many times. Often I have had to walk away and let her dad deal with her because I was just at a loss. My love for her has never waivered, and I decided after years of trying to figure her out that what she needed more than anything was to know that she was loved deeply by me. Her love language is quality one on one time, and that is sparse when you have 4 children. But I have tried really hard to let her know that she is loved regardless of her actions or behavior, while still enforcing rules and boundaries. And let me just tell you there have been so many days that I have failed miserably at parenting her. I mean huge mistakes where I let her get the best of me and I screamed or punished or threatened and then didn't follow through. I have been so far from the perfect parent to her (and all of my children). I have said before that raising this particular child has refined me more than any other process and taught me to appreciate the differences in people because though we are very different I just absolutely love how God made her.
Well, where am I going with all of this? Here it is. Every now and then (and more often if you're looking) God drops us the sweetest gifts from heaven. He gives us just what we need to keep going and feel it isn't all for naught. I got one of those this morning. I was cleaning up and found a piece of paper under the desk. I was getting ready to throw it away when I realized it was one of her writings. She has been writing a lot lately. Making up stories and whatnot. Her imagination is amazing. But what I found on this paper wasn't a story. It was a tribute. To ME. It was titled "Mommy Brightens My Life" and this is what it said(with my spelling corrections for your sake!):
"Ever since I was born my mommy has lightened up my life. I love my mom. She cooks, reads books before bed, does dishes, washes our clothes, buys us things, helps us get ready for school, takes us to school, and a lot more! I'm the luckiest kid in the world to have a mom that is so great. She's kind, thoughtful, loving, generous, beautiful, smart, and amazing. Not every kid in the world has a mom. That is one of the many reasons that I am so happy mommy's my mom. I think I have the best mom in the world. It just makes me so happy when I see her. One of the many reasons I love mom is that she loved me before I could see. Nana was definitely excited when they found out I was a girl, as I was going to be her first granddaughter! But not as excited as Mommy, I was going to be her first daughter! I can remember lots of important times in my life with Mommy right now. At Disney World, Atlanta, Lego Land, Florida, home, the bottom(where we keep the cows), and too many other times to count. I wish I never had to leave and get my own house."
And the tears came. This child who has given me more grief than anyone in my life put down on paper how she actually feels about me, and she adores me. She knows that I love her. She knows that I am her safe place. And everything I've done for the past 8 years with her, every tear I've cried, every prayer I've prayed, are producing a harvest by the grace of God. And God knew that we needed each other. Not only did she need me, but I needed her as well to become more the picture of who God created me to be. And I got to thinking about all the things we do as parents. We worry, and we ask advice, and we read books, and we try different techniques, and we make reward charts, and we go to counseling (Did it!), and we strive so hard after this goal of being perfect parents. And a lot of these things are great things, and we should do them. But when it comes right down to it, there is one word that sums up everything we need to do as a parent. LOVE. Just love them. Our kids are starving for love and affection. They want to know that on their ugliest day, we love them. And when we show them that kind of love they meet God. It's not human to love like this. It's not easy to love like this. Only the grace of God can allow one to love like this. And when they see God's love imparted on them they are better able to show that love to everyone else. At some point after having four kids my parenting philosophy became really simple (I no longer had the mental capacity to remember the rest!). Here it is: "Make sure they know that they are deeply loved and pray for God to cover the rest." That's it folks. Now don't get me wrong. This isn't some laisse-faire form of parenting where anything goes. That wouldn't be loving. But when your kids know deep down that they are loved it changes everything about their lives. EVERYTHING. And this certainly isn't only true for children. There is a reason that Jesus said "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself'. All the Law and Prophets hang on these two commandments."(Matt. 22:37-40) If we truly love the people around us it is life changing. The boss who mistreats you, the friend who betrayed your trust, that family member that drives you crazy, the teacher who was unfair to your child......If we love these people as God's children despite their lack of earning it we are living out the gospel and they see Jesus. The very first place we should practice this is at home. Parenting is sooooo hard. It is not for the faint of heart. Some days it brings you to your knees. And that's exactly where God wanted us. On our knees, begging Him to be God, and realizing that we aren't. And all that hard work we are doing - It is worth it. The planting and growing are so hard, but the harvest of love is amazing. Don't lose heart today. If parenthood isn't what you thought it would be - join the club. There is no way to prepare for this journey. It is one of daily dependence on God, and that is just the beauty of it. But there is so much beauty and joy to be found in the journey. And don't forget - We all have a Father who promises that He won't leave us alone for one second of this journey. Why? Because He LOVES us. And that, well that changes everything.
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