Yesterday was the day we wait for all year. Mother's Day. While we live in the trenches giving our all to these tiny humans all year long we often feel like no one realizes the gravity of what we are doing day in and day out, least of all the tiny humans. But one day a year people stop and ponder the incredible work of being a mother. And it's just nice to hear the words "Happy Mother's Day" or "You're doing a great job". So to all of you amazing mothers out there, here is a list designed to make you laugh, make you cry and help you remember why what we do is so very important! If you are reading and are young and haven't had children you may want to skip over the "worsts". Haha. So here we go. We begin with the 5 WORST things about being a mom to little kids in no particular order:
1. Poop. Okay, maybe this actually is #1. Poop and raising babies go hand in hand (many times literally). After 4 kids and 10.5 years of parenting I have experienced every kind of pooptastrophe imaginable. "The blowout diaper". " The poop mural" (yeah, like on the wall). "The poop trail"(varying lengths). "The poop river"(straight into the shoes, people). "The oops I went in the bath poop"(especially fun when bathing two together). And sometimes life plays tricks on you and the problem becomes that they can't poop. And the measures you have to take there, well, I won't go into details, but they are heroic. Here's to you, policers of poop. You are literally dealing with a load of (Well, I can't say that. I'm a minister.) Carry on mighty warriors!
2. Nosebleed Crime Scene. Okay. If you have kids past a certain age you know what this is. If you only have little babes - just wait. It goes like this. You wake up in the morning (In my case the waking is a process that continues long after the rising.) You stumble to the bathroom because you haven't been since you woke up at 3:00 AM to go (darn beat up bladder). Before you get to the bathroom you see a trail of blood. You walk into the bathroom and there are tissues and your nice hand towels (meaning they don't have holes) covered in blood and strewn everywhere. There might even be a tiny bloody handprint slapped on the wall and splatters all over the floor. The first time this happens you think surely something terrible has happened. No need for coffee. You are now awake. Just when you are about to call 911 you go into your child's room and see a bloody nose and tainted pillowcase. No one has been murdered. It was just a nosebleed! Crisis averted! Can schools please offer classes on proper nose bleed etiquette? This tomfoolery is unacceptable.
3. Legos (AKA Foot Daggers). Y'all. I love Legos. Here is why. They entertain my kids in a way in which they are using their creative skills and their engineering skills simultaneously. They build brain cells and form new neurological pathways whilst playing with these little treasures. They bridge the gender gap. Legos are one of the few things that ALL of my kids can enjoy together. The other day I caught them all playing with Legos quietly in the basement and not fighting, and I thought I had perhaps died and gone to heaven. It was like finding a troop of lemur monkeys sitting on a couch cross-stitching. Magical. But here is the thing with Legos. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. Those sneaky little fellows show up where you least expect them. Under the couch, in the washing machine, in the pantry, in my shoes, in the baby's pull up, the list goes on and on. But their greatest crime is this: stepping on one is a pain level only one step down from breaking a bone. They stab into your foot like a knife, making no apologies. And they are sneaky. They can be camoflouged with the floor or stuck down in the carpet where you can't see them until the searing pain is in full effect. Legos. We love them. We hate them. We can't live without them. Solution: always at least wear socks around the house. Then you have a buffer.
4. The Lack of Sleep. You guys, I don't think I've gotten a straight 8 hours of sleep since 2005. Unlike those few precious infants who come home from the hospital, ask for a BarcaLounger, and sleep like a hibernating bear - my children liked to be awake. A lot. The middle 2 weren't so bad. They only hazed me for about 3 or 4 months. The first and the last nearly killed me. They didn't sleep through the night consistently until about 11 months old and 14 months old. In case you aren't counting that is about 3 total years of not sleeping through the night ever. Fun times. Even now, with the youngest being 2.5 I would say we average once a week on the nighttime visits from any given child. On the nights where we do manage to get everyone to sleep at a reasonable time and not see them til morning there is still the good ole bladder to wake you and remind you that you are somebody's Mama. Being sleep deprived takes a toll on a person. You start to forget things like where you are supposed to be, how old you are, how many kids you have, why you fix your hair, etc. It's not for the faint of heart. And the tiny humans don't usually grant you a nap time to recover. Maybe when you only have one child, but after that -no deal. So to all you mamas walking around in a haze today: We get you. We feel your pain. We salute you. And if you have toilet paper on your shoe or you only put mascara on one eye, we will tell you and offer our assistance.
5. The vomit. Let's bookend this thing in grossness. The puke is a legit problem with kids. Some kids are more pukey than others. I'm lucky and got the really pukey ones. As recently as last night one of mine puked from sugar overdose at a family reunion. My 6 year old can puke from just being grossed out by a smell or an offensive food. He gags and just pukes. He's done it at the zoo, the Mexican restaurant, in the car, on my feet (more than once). I've had my arm puked on while I slept in my bed by my oldest. The same child has puked out of a top bunk leaving his bed, his brother's bed and his carpet in the wake. I have stepped in a puke puddle in my room in the middle of the night. I have pulled off the road multiple times for my daughter to puke. The amount of puke-laden bed sheets we have washed is unbelievable. So yeah. The vomit. It's gross. It's just so gross. Here's to you, my fellow cleaners of this nastiness. There really should be an extra jewel (or 50) in our heavenly crowns for completing this task.
So now that I've made everyone wish they hadn't had kids and those of you who haven't yet had them seriously reconsider, let's turn this thing on its head. Here are the 5 BEST things about being a mom to little kids in no particular order:
1. The Clean Baby Smell. I think we all agree that this one is wonderful. That smell as you cuddle a little baby who just had a bath is so amazing that it could almost make me want to go through another 9 months of nausea and 18 years of raising just so I can smell it a few more times. It may even be better than the smell of brownies baking. Babies are babies for such a short time. Those little moments of holding them close are so precious. Everything is right in the world when a sleeping baby lies on your chest. It's a peace that passes understanding.
2. The Cuddles. This one isn't limited to just babies. My 10 year old still cuddles with me. God created us to need touch and the hugs and cuddles of these little children are so special. There will soon come a day when they won't be able to sit in my lap and lay their head on my shoulder. There will be a day when I will be doing good to get them to sit in the same room and visit with me. For now I am going to enjoy the sweet cuddles. Cuddles have healing power. They could have done anything to make your life hard that day, but the minute they cuddle up in your arms it's like you are holding that little baby again. It's a love like no other. Amazing that God loves us that way and even more. Whatever ails you that day or however long the day was, it just melts away when you cuddle up with these sweet ones.
3. The Homemade Cards. These are amazing. I got cards from all 3 of my older kids yesterday that they had made at church or school. One said that I am was great cook. Another said I was "elite in kindness". Not sure what that means, but I'll take it. The little drawings and hearts that say I love you are enough to make you sure that every minute of this job is worth the effort. And the pride with which they present their masterpieces to you is just so precious. They just want to make sure their mom feels happy and loved. I may have to build on to the house to store all of these little treasures from over the years.
4. Watching Them Learn. This is definitely one of my favorite parts of parenting. You get front row seats to the amazing wonder of watching these children learn and grow. They start from the minute they are born when they try to figure out how to open their eyes and how to drink milk. They are always learning. As a parent we get the amazing job of teaching them so many things, and when it finally clicks we feel more excited than they do most of the time. Watching them learn words is one of my favorites. When they mess them up and say something wrong it is sometimes the cutest thing ever. It's actually sad when they learn the correct pronunciation. :) Knowing that we are a part of this amazing process of learning is both exciting and humbling. What are we teaching them when we don't know they are watching? How much time are we taking to teach them the most important things? This is such a precious time. How awesome to have a job that we can be certain is making a huge investment into the future.
5. God's Heart in Your House. The bible is very clear about how God feels about children. He loves them so much. They have His heart. They are these beautiful little image bearers that haven't been so tainted by the years. They teach us so much about how to love the way God loves. When we work through the hard days of parenting and want to pull our hair out we are being constantly molded into the people God created us to be. I have grown more as a person through parenting than through anything else in life. You simply have to. There isn't another job on earth that makes you feel so incredibly strong and so incredibly weak at the same time. You realize you can do and handle more than you ever dreamed at times. And then at other times you are on your knees begging God to intervene because you simply don't know what to do or have the energy to do it. It is an amazing ride of joy and pain, comfort and struggle, but ultimately love wins. You have this person or these people who are forever linked to you and a love that can't be explained or taken out of your heart. You experience God in an entirely new way, and you understand on a completely new level the love He has for us and the sacrifice He made when He gave up His Son. Being a mom isn't for the faint of heart. It isn't for the people who want an easy, hassle-free life. But it is for the people who want a full heart, a full life and a blessing beyond what they ever imagined. The best things don't come easily. The best things are the things that require you to give your all. Those are the things you will never take for granted. Happy belated Mother's Day to all my fellow mamas! You are somebody's hero!
