I woke up this morning with searing pain in my shoulder and the reminder that I'm BROKEN. I'm 2.5 weeks out from a surgery where they broke me further in order to heal me from the brokenness I had already been experiencing for 9 months prior. I don't like being broken. I don't like being unable to carryout my responsibilities without the help of others. I don't like being limited. I want to be whole. I'm pretty sure it has a whole lot to do with my pride and things I take for granted - like being able to wash my hair thoroughly or screw the top onto a sippy cup without the help of my 10 year old (For the love, please don't look closely at my hair for 4 more weeks ). I have struggled more than I care to admit and cried more tears of frustration than an adult should over the past 2.5 weeks. But here's the truth - I am broken. My shoulder is broken, yes. But so are my mind and spirit. I am human. I am flawed. I have a sinful nature just like everyone else. Brokenness is just a part of this life.
I look around and see brokenness everywhere. My friends struggle mightily to cope with death or divorce. My children tear each other down repeatedly. Flu, and infections, and cancer - they circle around consuming the people I know. It's all the more evident how much brokenness there is now that we have social media. I could spend the whole of my day just praying for all the hurt that I see in my newsfeed. And the news, oh don't get me started on the news. Brian is smart and likes to have all the information and be well-informed, so he watches the news daily. My feelings about the news are that if you are gonna make me watch it you better hook me up to an IV with some kind of tranquilizing medicine. And the presidential race, oh mercy. BRO-KEN. It is so overwhelming, all the brokenness. You see, I'm an idealist. I always see things for what they could be. I tend to expect the best in every situation and believe in people no matter what they've done. But being this way makes brokenness stab that much more deeply. It falls in on you and disables your entire world view at times. I feel things deeply, whether they are my "things" or the "things" of the people I love, I feel them. I even feel them for people I don't know, which is why the news can be so completely overwhelming. And feeling is fantastic. But you don't get to choose to just feel the happy feels. You have to open your heart to the pain that surrounds you and accept all the ugly things that are a part of this life. Now, before everyone takes a collective jump off a bridge from reading my post, let me just tell you that I'm going somewhere with this! I promise!
Brokenness is a part of this world, and something that I am dealing with in a very concrete sense right now. But on this Good Friday it has me thinking so much about my Savior. You see, on this day, all those years ago - He took on all the brokenness. He took it. He bore it. Not only did He bear the weight of my sin, he bore the weight of every sin in the entire world. This little pain in my shoulder is a tiny drop in the bucket compared to the enormous pain He experienced today as His body was BROKEN. He willingly went to that cross knowing that in 2016 you and I would be dealing with brokenness all around us and He would give us hope by BEARING IT FOR US. And I keep hearing this scripture in my mind - "Surely He took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered Him punished by God, stricken by Him, and afflicted. But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed. We all like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all." - Isaiah 53:4-6 And I dwell on those words and know that all the brokenness we face is nothing compared to the glory of the one who took our place. And He gives us strength to not hide from the brokenness, but rather to run to the brokenness. We can stand in the cracks in the brokenness all around us because He dwells in us!
We have Holy power to not only transform our own brokenness, but to heal the brokenness that surrounds. This world is broken. It always will be. It will groan and moan and ache for the Savior to return. But we are the redeemed. We will be made whole. We won't struggle and hurt forever. On Good Friday, the only perfect man who ever lived took the weight of it all. He took it. And He finished it. And that's how we can stand here BROKEN and have joy and peace and hope. Because this is the greatest love. And I don't know about you, but that's a message I needed today. Jesus paid it all. He paid it ALL, y'all. HE PAID IT ALL. "Oh praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead! Oh praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead! Jesus paid it all."
