Cleanliness is Next to .......Craziness

     All right, here we go.  Time to get real up in here.  Some of you "type A" friends (whom I love and adore) may not understand this post at all.  You may be shaking your head throughout and making a mental list of all the strategies you are going to helpfully impart on me.  And I need you in my life.  I really do.  However, some of you will read this post and breathe a sigh of relief and maybe feel truly understood for the first time in a while if not ever.  Regardless of which type you are, please read on so that you can have some insight into either yourself or the people that you love. 
     This morning I am looking around my house and feel like I could have a small anxiety attack.  I spent all of last weekend trapped at home with a feverish child and cleaned house much of that time.  By Monday things were in pretty good shape(as far as things go around here), and it felt great.  Here we are 4 days later and it looks like the U.S. is doing nuclear bomb testing inside our home.  So, naturally I sit down to write this blog instead of remedying this situation because this is what helps me be sane. 
     All of my life I have heard the phrase (often misquoted as being from the bible) "cleanliness is next to godliness", and all of my life it has been made very clear to me by EVERYONE that keeping a clean and organized home is an earmark of a successful woman/wife/mother.  And I'm trying.  I really am.  EVERY.SINGLE.DAY is the same battle.  For some of you cleaning house is a stress reliever and something you actually enjoy, and I salute you.  I hold up my dustpan in one hand and a dirty rag over my heart with tears streaming down my face, and I give you my utmost respect.  For me the mundane daily tasks of keeping a house clean are simply soul-sucking.  I have done the Myers-Briggs personality assessment a couple of times and am a very confirmed ENFP.  So, lest you think I'm just a lazy good for nothing, here is some of the research on us:

"Because ENFPs live in the world of exciting possibilities, the details of everyday life are seen as trivial drudgery. They place no importance on detailed, maintenance-type tasks, and will frequently remain oblivious to these types of concerns. When they do have to perform these tasks, they do not enjoy themselves. This is a challenging area of life for most ENFPs, and can be frustrating for ENFP's family members."

"ENFPs are basically happy people. They may become unhappy when they are confined to strict schedules or mundane tasks. Consequently, ENFPs work best in situations where they have a lot of flexibility, and where they can work with people and ideas. Many go into business for themselves. They have the ability to be quite productive with little supervision, as long as they are excited about what they're doing."

Yes and Yes.  I find that I only get excited can tolerate with a half-smile cleaning the house when we are having people over, and that is because I find the time spent with people so worthwhile and don't want them to know that I'm such a hot mess.  Now, in defense of myself and my fellow ENFPs, we are called "The Champion" of personality types as well as "The Inspirer" and "The Advocate".  So there's that.  We tend to love people well, and when we are excited about something we are world changers.  So, give us a little credit.  We aren't the worst.  At least not all of the time.  But doing the daily tasks of life that seem pointless and are quickly undone present a real challenge to our mental/emotional state.
     So here I find myself in this blessed life I have created.  My intense love for children and desire to have a large family collide SEVERELY with my intense hate of mundane tasks.  There is more work to be done around here on an average day than I could have ever imagined, and it is all undone within 24 hours.  The laundry is UNBELIEVABLE.   There are 1,908,734,478 mismatched socks in this house.  I am certain that somewhere in space there is an entire planet comprised of nothing more than all the missing socks of the world.  The one time I mopped the kitchen floor this week it was with a one year old hanging from the mop handle the entire time and then running circles around the wet floor before it could dry.  There are crumbs EVERYWHERE.  Last night I laid down to cuddle with Wyatt in his bed and found Brinley's half-eaten hotdog from dinner (It was the all natural kind okay!) beneath my glut.  Kinetic sand does actually make a mess despite the marketing claims, and ritz crackers may be the actual death of me.  Believe me, I have tried every chart and reward system on the planet to get my kids to do this grunt work.  I have tried harsh consequences.  I have tried desperately to Pinterest checklist my way out of this conundrum.  The fact is that in the daily reality of life around here all of those ideas are nearly impossible to effectively implement.  And it seems that I am the queen of ideas and the pauper of execution when it comes to the mundane. 
     So what's a girl to do?  And what is the point of this post? (There is one.  I promise.)  Well, over the years I have beaten myself up continually about my struggle to keep things clean and organized.  And I have improved - some.  The struggle is real and is okay as long as the striving comes from a healthy place of self-improvement and the desire to improve the lives of yourself and those whom you love.  However, my struggle has often come from a place of SHAME.  Feeling like I can't lick this has left me feeling shameful and embarrassed more times than I can count, and people that love me have (unknowingly) contributed to that feeling more times than I can count. I'm learning, however, that shame is NEVER a good motivator.  Over the years of dealing with this downfall of my personality type, which bleeds over into areas other than just a clean house (I never played a sport more than one season) I have clung to one short story from God's inspired word.  It is His sweet gift to the ENFP's of the world.  Mary and Martha.  Luke 10 gives us a story about 2 sisters - one was busy and worried about the preparations for their guest Jesus, and one was sitting at His feet enjoying relationship with Him.  Martha (the busy sister) was so upset with Mary (the likely ENFP).  Martha complains to Jesus about this unfairness and Jesus says this:  “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things,  but few things are needed—or indeed only one.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”  Thank you, Jesus!  Now, maybe you find it a stretch to apply this to areas of life other than seeking Jesus, and I certainly hope that my main focus in life is just that - to seek Him.  But, I think this can be applied to every relationship in our lives.  After all, each one is an opportunity to know Jesus more and to be Jesus to one another.  I have come to the conclusion that it is more important to love well than it is to live in a perfectly orderly space. It is perfectly okay to drop a ball if you are picking up one that is more important.
     There are tasks in life for each of us that are life-giving and tasks that are life-taking.  I love spending time with my children.  Reading new library books with them makes my heart soar.  I love cooking.  Cooking is fun and exciting.  You can try new things, and you can make people happy when you serve them (unless they are under 10 and hate everything except pizza).  I love sitting on the porch and talking to a friend.  I love leading bible study small group and learning from the women there.  I love teaching precious preschoolers 2 days a week and planning fun lessons for them.  I love reading books that help me become a better person and watching a funny television show at night with my husband.  This all makes sense to me.  Each task is achieving a greater goal, a purpose of connection either with God, others or both. 
     I am not advocating that keeping an orderly home is not a valuable thing.  It absolutely is.  I truly believe that everyone feels a little more peaceful when things are in order.  What I am saying is this - If my house is not as clean as I would like for it to be because I prioritized things that were much more important to me, IT IS OKAY.  I am really trying to come to the conclusion in life that I am enough simply because the God of Heaven and Earth created me exactly as I am.  This is a huge step for me after years of silent self-loathing of my shortcomings.  I can compare myself to all the other moms and wives in my life who are able to juggle life and keep their home pristine all day long, but I am not them.  I have my own special set of circumstances and personality traits.  I lack gifts they have, but I also have gifts they lack.  And this is all okay.  Please know that whatever gifts you have are yours for a reason, and whatever gifts you lack you lack for a reason.  The very traits that make me unorganized make me more patient with people.  This contrast is true of all of our personalities, and God painted a rainbow with our differences because that is what is beautiful.  We are all ENOUGH.  We don't have to be each other. 
     I will keep striving to improve for the right reasons, but I will issue myself a little grace and shut down the shame train.  Ain't nobody got time for that.  So, come on over.  Anytime.  This home is always open to anyone who wants to enter (barring psychos or gun-wielding scary people).  We will love on you.  We will laugh with you.  We will feed you. (Homemade goodness or frozen pizza depending on the day.)  We will enjoy you.  But, you might step on some legos, and don't you dare look under my couch.  And if the inside is just too crazy, we will sit on the porch.  I'll even sweep off the ritz crumbs for you.  All I ask is this.  Love me through the crazy.