I've Let Myself Go

     At the encouragement of several(okay, maybe 2 or 3) people to start a blog for moms, I am taking up the keyboard and trying this out.  I've been reading the book For the Love by Jen Hatmaker (it is amazing) and she talks about how she always loved to write, but didn't think she could make it useful until she just decided to.  I have no aspirations or delusions that she and I are even in the same galaxy when it comes to writing.  However, I, myself, have always loved writing in any form.  I started writing poetry in the 4th grade and still have a hot pink pre-algebra folder filled with the archives of my young poetic life.  There is a poetic ode to almost every ex-boyfriend I accrued during adolescence.  It's a big notebook.  Maybe someday when I'm dead and gone they will publish my works as a memoir.   But I digress. :)  The point is that I love writing.  So I'm going to do it here.  There may only be one other human on earth who cares to read what I have to say, but nonetheless I will enjoy the writing.  And maybe someday my children can read these posts and learn just a bit about their insane loving mother.  So here goes my first post. I hope all three of you enjoy it.  
     It's official.  It has happened.  I have "let myself go".  It happened this week.  It was a sudden and unexpected turn of events, but here we are.  I haven't worn real clothes all week, and I have gone into public places with my children in pajamas and mismatched shoes.  Makeup has been a scarce reality and my hair hasn't been fixed properly once.  I have eaten ice cream, lots of ice cream.  I can't really blame it on one thing in particular.  There are a myriad of culprits, but let's just break down a few.
     1.Ragweed - This wonderful family farm that we have inhabited is a blessing beyond measure.  It is also a veritable factory of ragweed currently.  It's like the land is just taunting you and daring you to breathe in through your nose.  Consequently, I absolutely HAVE to take a shower before bed every night to wash the remnants of this evil weed out of my hair and off my skin.  If I don't I will wake up the next day and spend the entire day looking like a pot head with turret's syndrome.  So it has to happen.  Now, before I bore children my hair had one mode - straight.  I could go to bed with it wet and wake up with it - straight.  I could do virtually anything and it would remain - straight.  My poor mother wanted so badly to have a little curly headed girl and forced me to get perms.  Within a week, my hair was - straight.  This is no longer the case after the great hormonal shifts of childbearing.  After I sleep on my hair it can be classified as nothing other than funky.  So, knowing that I am indeed clean (and who has time for 2 showers a day?) I've just been tossing it into a ponytail and flipping it over once because I haven't found time to get a haircut this year.  Problem solved.  The evil weed also means that I basically cannot wear my contacts ever, so glasses have become my cool new normal.  Maybe this makes me more current with the hipster crowd.
     2.  Viral Illness - When you have 4 children and you go anywhere one of them inevitably will get sick.  Viruses chase your family like a rabid dog waiting to devour.  This past week my precious baby girl contracted my least favorite of the childhood illnesses, the dreaded hand, foot and mouth.  She was on me like white on rice for days and didn't sleep well for nights.  It's hard to get motivated to fix yourself up when you are basically being used as a barcalounger/human tissue.  So we took it easy.  Real clothes - optional.  Makeup - optional.  Cooking - optional.  Turning off the TV - optional.  Sleep - PLEASE!
     3.  Dieting Fatigue - I'm just gonna say it.  I'm tired of being on a diet.  Can I get an amen, Ladies?!  In the past 10 years I have spent 3 years pregnant/aka nauseous.  The other 7 years I have spent trying to lose the weight from the previous 9 months.  I have gained and lost about 160 pounds during that time(Don't do that math!), and I just want to be able to eat a piece of pumpkin bread and feel good about it.  Am I to my goal?  Nope.  Do I care?  Not this week.  Who wants to go to Tom and Chee with me?  I promise I'll put on clothes. 
     4.  Change of Scenery - I love our new(old) town.  I love that you can be yourself and people seem to love you anyway.  I love that it is more laidback and there seems to be less pressure to be this perfectly put together, well-performing human without flaws.  Life just seems more real out here, and I love that.  It also inspires me to be okay running errands in running shorts(I never run) or yoga pants(I do occasionally do yoga) and to wear less makeup because who am I hiding from really?  These people know me.
     All of this is fun and very true, but there's more to this "letting myself go".  I don't know if it's age, or the awesome teaching I've heard recently, or being a parent, or finally emerging from the fog of the "baby stage", or just a work of the Holy Spirit (probably all of these things), but I feel like Jesus is giving me the strength to let go of the expectations of this world.  I feel like He is giving me the freedom to just LIVE in His presence.  I feel Him giving me courage to follow His plans for me and not worry so much about what everyone else wants me to do or thinks I should do.  I feel release from my extroverted tendency to put all my stock in my earthly relationships and instead to see each one in the realm of my God-given purpose.  I'm not sure where all of this is leading, but I'm really excited to find out.  And I have more peace than I've had in years.  I just want to live each day being His hands to this world.  And so....I'm letting myself go.