What I Learned in Preschool

     Whew.  I don't know where to start this post, but I think a little backstory is necessary so I'll start there.  About 7 years ago I was teaching a few preschool Spanish classes for this great company that contracted with preschools and came in to teach Spanish a couple of days a week.  Spanish?, you say.  Well, yes.  It's a little known fact that my degree is in Spanish.  I spent half of college studying child development and the other half studying Español.  I have a Hispanic soul.  It's true.  I am the whitest white person possible.  They don't make a makeup color paler than mine.  My legs could possibly cause car accidents in the summer from the glare bouncing off of their stark whiteness.  One of my many nicknames in high school was Casper. (How do any of us survive high school?)  But alas, my soul is Hispanic.  I felt so very at home all of the times I went to Mexico on mission trips.  So much so that I wanted to make their language my major.  So I did.  But, anyway, back to the story.  About 7 years ago I was facing a huge decision.  The wonderful woman I was teaching a few classes a week for was moving, and she was selling her business.  And she wanted to sell it to me.  It made perfect sense.  It combined my two loves of Spanish and children and had the potential to be a fairly lucrative move.  The business part scared me a bit, but I'm married to business genius so that wasn't very worrisome.  I was very torn, however, because I was afraid it would take too much time away from my then 2 young children, and we were considering adding a third child to the mix.  So as I struggled with this decision (and had pretty much decided I was going to tell her yes), I lay awake in bed one night.  And I'm telling you the truth.  It wasn't an audible voice, but just as clearly as anything I heard God say "No."  "Don't do this."  It was so clear that I was instantly certain that I had to tell her no and had unexplainable peace about that decision.  He had spoken to me, and I knew it.  So I told her I couldn't do it.  I don't remember the exact timing, but I think it was a week or two later that I got a call from the Harpeth Hills preschool director, Kelly.  It was totally out of the blue to me, but she called and asked if I would be interested in applying for a job to teach music at the preschool two days a week.  I was floored.  Ty was already attending the preschool, and Ansley was going to attend the following year.   I love music so much, and I love children so much, and I just knew in that instant that God had arranged this and that my "no" was the way to this "yes".  I hung up the phone and cried my eyes out.  I can't explain it.  It may seem really small, but I remember it as the day when I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that God was writing my story. 
     I started teaching at the preschool that fall and have been there almost 7 years.  Well, I just finished my last week.  I can hardly type it without bursting into tears because the kids in between those walls have my heart.  The staff in between those walls have my heart too.  It has been an incredible gift to serve alongside so many amazing ladies and get to love on hundreds of children as they came through the "music room" door.  Teaching alongside one of my best friends made every day feel like fun.  But, again, God is writing my story.  And He has clearly called me to a new ministry.  I am so, so very excited to be the new Children's Minister at the church where I grew up.  It's a long, beautiful story that I'm sure will make it's way into a post soon, but after my last week at Harpeth Hills preschool I wanted to reflect a little on what I've learned during my time there.  There have been plenty of funny times no doubt.  Preschool is nothing if not entertaining.  And while I'll take the memories of the little boy dropping his pants and peeing on the slide, the one of the little boy leaning forward and wiping his nose on my bare leg, the many boogers I saw consumed, the hilarious answers I got to questions, and so many more with me; there are so many real true lessons I've learned that I will take with me as well.  Here are just a few.
  
     1.  Some of the hardest working, most dedicated people in the world are teachers.  As with most things in our upside down economy teachers are often taken for granted.  The women I have worked with the past several years pour their hearts and lives into loving children.  They go home exhausted and start a new shift with their own children.  They consistently give of themselves tirelessly.  They go the extra mile to help that one child who is struggling with that skill.  They pray circles around their kids.  And are they ever creative?!  If you think working with young children means you don't have to use much brain power you are sorely mistaken.  Teaching requires mind, body and soul ALL DAY.  EVERYDAY.  I have vowed to never take for granted the men or women who teach my children.  It is a lifestyle, not a 9 to 5.  Thank you God for amazing teachers.
      2.  There is no such thing as a bad child.  This is one premise on which I build my lifework.  In 7 years of teaching Preschool and 10 of parenting my own kids I have seen just about every bad behavior you can imagine.  I have seen kids act out in all kinds of ways, but I refuse and will always refuse to label a child as "Bad".  Children are just that - children.  They need the guidance of adults, and we frequently make our own poor choices.  Some children exhibit bad behavior because they are going through terrible things at home.  Some exhibit bad behavior because they are desperate for attention.  Some exhibit bad behavior because they haven't learned a better way to communicate.  But no matter what is going on with the child's behavior, you can take it to the bank.  That child is made in God's image.  A little bit of love goes a LONG way toward molding behavior.  A lot of love just might change a child's entire life.
     3.  A child doesn't care what you want from them until they know how you feel about them.  This is so important.  When an adult has a place of authority over a child we tend to just expect instant respect and obedience.  Well, that would be nice in a perfect world.  But the bottom line is that most kids don't think that way.  Blame it on culture or parenting or the fact that many adults in the world these days really aren't trustworthy, but kids aren't likely to blindly follow someone who is bigger than them.   (Especially if you are only a few inches taller than them as in my case.  Ha.)  And, you know, while I want my kids to be respectful to adults, I also want them to be able to sniff out the ones who genuinely care for them.  Kids will start responding to you differently if you show them that you care.  Eye contact and smiling go a long way.  A pat on the back or hug, caring about their stories, addressing them with their name, etc. all go a long way towards establishing that relationship.  And better behavior will often follow relationship.  And is this only true of children?  Nuh-uh.   I think the phrase goes "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."  Truth.  Relationship is where it's at.  (with two turn tables and a microphone)
     4.  Investing in a child is an investment you will never regret.  Show me one teacher or parent who says "Man, I wish I just wouldn't have put so much time and energy into impacting that child's life."  Of course no one says that!  Investing in children is the investment that multiplies over and over.  We many never know what impact we had on them.  I won't know how many kids will remember a song I taught them about Jesus.  I won't know how much confidence they gained by performing in that program.  I won't know how many I gave a hug to on the day that they really needed to know someone loved them.  But every investment has payout, whether we see it or not.  Even when it seems that our children have learned nothing from us, they have.  The Bible tells us to plant the seed and let God water it.  Every seed we plant in a child's heart is something else for God to water.  Which leads me to my most important lesson.
     5.  Jesus is crazy about children.  He really is.  You don't have to look very far in the gospels to find that Jesus adored these little ones.  The least in our world are the greatest in His.  That we know for sure.  Every time you love a child by teaching or parenting or volunteering you are walking with Jesus.  He entrusts His prized creations to us, and we get to love them.  It is humbling and terrifying and amazing what a precious responsibility that brings.  If you are holding a sick baby today, you are loving Jesus.  If you are teaching a classroom full of rowdy kids and are on your last leg, you are loving Jesus.  If you are babysitting your grandkids, you are loving Jesus.  If you are reading books to your kids at bedtime, you are loving Jesus.  When we care for His children we can know that we are bringing Him honor, no matter how big or small the task.  I hope and pray that I have honored Him these last 7 years and that He will help me to continue to do that in my new role, because what else matters but honoring the One who gives me life and redeems me daily?  "Then he said to them, "Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. For it is the one who is least among you all who is the greatest." -Luke 9:48

    

That 4 Letter Word

     So, I have this little girl.  She is brilliant and beautiful and artistic and wonderful.  But this child, she has tested me more than anything else in my life.  She came into the world screaming, was a colicky baby, threw wild tantrums as a toddler, and still after 8 years can occasionally throw some of the biggest fits you can imagine.  She typically doesn't show this side of herself to anyone else.  She is a model student at school, does great at church, behaves for any and every babysitter.  But when it comes to me - anything is fair game.  When I found out I was having a little girl I thought that meant I would have a child just like me.  This daughter came out with blonde hair, blue eyes, left-handedness, introversion and a strong will!  She was nothing I thought she would be and everything God intended her to be.  And she is amazing.  But if you know me well you know that I have struggled mightily with parenting her.  There have been so many times that I have told God with my hands over my eyes and tears streaming down my face that He didn't know what He was doing when He thought I was capable of raising her.  I am a peace-loving, soft-speaking, conflict avoider.  I don't exactly have what would be considered a "strong will".  And her strong will has puzzled and downright leveled me so many times.  Often I have had to walk away and let her dad deal with her because I was just at a loss.  My love for her has never waivered, and I decided after years of trying to figure her out that what she needed more than anything was to know that she was loved deeply by me.  Her love language is quality one on one time, and that is sparse when you have 4 children.  But I have tried really hard to let her know that she is loved regardless of her actions or behavior, while still enforcing rules and boundaries.  And let me just tell you there have been so many days that I have failed miserably at parenting her.  I mean huge mistakes where I let her get the best of me and I screamed or punished or threatened and then didn't follow through.  I have been so far from the perfect parent to her (and all of my children).  I have said before that raising this particular child has refined me more than any other process and taught me to appreciate the differences in people because though we are very different I just absolutely love how God made her. 
     Well, where am I going with all of this?  Here it is.  Every now and then (and more often if you're looking) God drops us the sweetest gifts from heaven.  He gives us just what we need to keep going and feel it isn't all for naught.  I got one of those this morning.  I was cleaning up and found a piece of paper under the desk.  I was getting ready to throw it away when I realized it was one of her writings.  She has been writing a lot lately.  Making up stories and whatnot.  Her imagination is amazing.  But what I found on this paper wasn't a story.  It was a tribute.   To ME.  It was titled "Mommy Brightens My Life" and this is what it said(with my spelling corrections for your sake!):
     "Ever since I was born my mommy has lightened up my life.  I love my mom.  She cooks, reads books before bed, does dishes, washes our clothes, buys us things, helps us get ready for school, takes us to school, and a lot more!  I'm the luckiest kid in the world to have a mom that is so great.  She's kind, thoughtful, loving, generous, beautiful, smart, and amazing.   Not every kid in the world has a mom.  That is one of the many reasons that I am so happy mommy's my mom.  I think I have the best mom in the world.  It just makes me so happy when I see her.  One of the many reasons I love mom is that she loved me before I could see.  Nana was definitely excited when they found out I was a girl, as I was going to be her first granddaughter!  But not as excited as Mommy, I was going to be her first daughter!  I can remember lots of important times in my life with Mommy right now.  At Disney World, Atlanta, Lego Land, Florida, home, the bottom(where we keep the cows), and too many other times to count.  I wish I never had to leave and get my own house."
     And the tears came.  This child who has given me more grief than anyone in my life put down on paper how she actually feels about me, and she adores me.  She knows that I love her.  She knows that I am her safe place.  And everything I've done for the past 8 years with her, every tear I've cried, every prayer I've prayed, are producing a harvest by the grace of God.  And God knew that we needed each other.  Not only did she need me, but I needed her as well to become more the picture of who God created me to be.   And I got to thinking about all the things we do as parents.  We worry, and we ask advice, and we read books, and we try different techniques, and we make reward charts, and we go to counseling (Did it!), and we strive so hard after this goal of being perfect parents.  And a lot of these things are great things, and we should do them.  But when it comes right down to it, there is one word that sums up everything we need to do as a parent.  LOVE.  Just love them.  Our kids are starving for love and affection.  They want to know that on their ugliest day, we love them.  And when we show them that kind of love they meet God.  It's not human to love like this.  It's not easy to love like this.  Only the grace of God can allow one to love like this.  And when they see God's love imparted on them they are better able to show that love to everyone else.  At some point after having four kids my parenting philosophy became really simple (I no longer had the mental capacity to remember the rest!).  Here it is:  "Make sure they know that they are deeply loved and pray for God to cover the rest."  That's it folks.  Now don't get me wrong.  This isn't some laisse-faire form of parenting where anything goes.  That wouldn't be loving.  But when your kids know deep down that they are loved it changes everything about their lives.  EVERYTHING.  And this certainly isn't only true for children.  There is a reason that Jesus said "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself'.  All the Law and Prophets hang on these two commandments."(Matt. 22:37-40)  If we truly love the people around us it is life changing.  The boss who mistreats you, the friend who betrayed your trust, that family member that drives you crazy, the teacher who was unfair to your child......If we love these people as God's children despite their lack of earning it we are living out the gospel and they see Jesus.  The very first place we should practice this is at home.  Parenting is sooooo hard.  It is not for the faint of heart.  Some days it brings you to your knees.  And that's exactly where God wanted us.  On our knees, begging Him to be God, and realizing that we aren't. And all that hard work we are doing - It is worth it.  The planting and growing are so hard, but the harvest of love is amazing.  Don't lose heart today.  If parenthood isn't what you thought it would be - join the club.  There is no way to prepare for this journey.  It is one of daily dependence on God, and that is just the beauty of it.  But there is so much beauty and joy to be found in the journey.  And don't forget - We all have a Father who promises that He won't leave us alone for one second of this journey.  Why?  Because He LOVES us.  And that, well that changes everything.